a little stream of consciousness

One of my greatest goals in life when I was a teenager was to "know everything". I knew even then that one couldn't possibly "know everything" but I wanted to know a lot and I felt that that was the most effective way of professing that desire. I didn't know much back then, and I don't know much now-- but I do know how to collect loads of information, if that can qualify as a talent. 

A conscious thought I have as a writer and as a human being is "be yourself! Don't be so easily influenced by everything else." But try as I might, I am still am an amalgamation of all the people I've met, music I've listened to, food I've tasted, and experiences I've had. I didn't really take much interest in the character of Sherlock Holmes until the BBC Sherlock came on Netflix, but I found myself (despite myself) enamored with Sherlock's brilliance. 

I am not the only one obviously, considering Sherlock is one of the most beloved and well known detectives of all time. My point being I am making a slight attempt to not act like a know-it-all genius-- this should be quite easy with the knowledge that I have a much lower IQ than the man in question, anyway.

Over the years, due to ADD, maybe due to depression, or perhaps due to my very own nature, I have collected routes to get to information. What I mean in fact is lists. Lists of books to read to understand history, analyses of movies that have particular lines that evoke a particular feeling, internal copies of musical pieces that would work well with certain moments in life. I am sure other people do this, but I am someone who likes to have the confidence that my thoughts are linear. 

On my Tumblr account I have a tag labeled "resources" that I haven't even filled to the brim yet, it is just list after list of lists to access different types of information. It can be information about makeup, hair, music, history, science, how to be an adult and anything else in the world.

Sometimes I wonder how little I know. I think to myself "You know so little, Alisha. You have been playing piano for years and yet you have only scratched the surface of what music has to offer." After pondering what I do know I imagine what else is there that I haven't even bothered to consider. 

The nature of information is even more interesting knowing how everything connects. One thing will ultimately lead to another and another and another. Nothing is ever a real conclusion because more questions will be spawned because that is the nature of information and the nature of human inquisitiveness.